An Excerpt from Spontaneous Creativity
Through meditation practice we can look inward and explore the fixed I who suffers. When we do that, we come to see that this sense of I can only continue to exist because we maintain it with our thoughts and imagination. When we stop building up I in this way, it loosens its grip. We begin to feel a sense of openness. That narrowly focused self no longer controls our thoughts, no longer blocks access to inner space, to the creative source.
The hitch is that this false I is often hidden, driving our reactivity from just beneath our awareness. We are so used to identifying with it that we act as if it is real. When we expose this I, we may react with attachment or aversion, either clinging to it, unable to imagine life without it, or searching for ways to get rid of it.
The world is full of well-meaning advice on how to improve yourself, and many people meditate in an attempt to replace the undesirable self with another, more positive self. But those efforts are fruitless and miss the point. The fundamental issue that is not being addressed is holding on to the ego’s insistence that we have a solid, unchanging identity. Discovering the truth of egolessness or selflessness is a core teaching in my tradition and an essential step on the path to manifesting your positive qualities.
Rather than bypassing or avoiding pain or trying to get rid of it, we need to open fully to our pain and discomfort. Whatever form this I takes—and it can be as changeable as your mood—it is, without doubt, pain of some sort. I call this a pain identity or pain body. Perhaps you meet the I who is insecure, uncertain, or afraid to be noticed. Perhaps you are carrying around an I who isn’t getting the recognition she deserves. Whether your fear or insecurity appears as a critical voice or a quiet feeling of unhappiness, it has probably lived with you for a long time. But if you recognize pain—even entrenched pain—directly, your attention will have the force of an acupuncture needle hitting with precision the right point to release blocked energy. A moment of fear or insecurity, properly encountered, can lead you to the discovery of your true nature.
To bring your awareness to a painful experience, pay attention to the feelings in your body, the emotions that are arising, the thoughts that are coming to mind. Touch your experience directly with unbiased awareness as you open to it. Don’t move away from any part of your experience. Show up. Be there. Don’t abandon yourself or your discomfort.
I often suggest treating pain or fear as you would treat a close friend who came to you fearful and trembling. What would you do? You would be fully open to that person, right? You would not divide your attention at the moment, cell phone in hand, and say, “Oh, wait a minute, I’m getting a text. But go ahead. I’m still listening.” No, you would focus your full attention on your friend. You would be there for her. When you are fully present to someone’s pain, a deep sense of caring and warmth naturally emerges. It is the same with your own discomfort. If you are fully present with it, it will begin to shift. As the pain releases, warmth spontaneously arises from the space of being.